I am a sensitive soul. I am emotionally charged, I wear my heart on my sleeve, find it hard to front a brave face when I’m crumbling inside. For a big part of my life I hated being this way, wished I could snap out of it and grow a thick skin.
Being a loner meant I was always at odds with others. People don’t understand me, label me sturvy (a Cape Town slang word for being stuck-up or conceited). I don’t easily fit in groups, people bypass me because I’m not loud and don’t voice my opinions easily. I always have to prove myself to others for them to accept me which is exhausting and a waste of my precious time.
It was only when I got to know myself better in sobriety that I realized it was okay to be sensitive. That I didn’t have to be perfect, that I didn’t have to have my shit together all the time, that I’m allowed to be me and those who loved me would understand and still love me, no matter what.
How I learned to love myself and work through difficult situations
Instead of hating myself, I started embracing the person I am. I savor my “me” time, those moments center me, affording time and space to figure things out. When someone says something hurtful, I walk away instead of giving them a piece of my mind. I calm myself by talking to God, praying for strength and guidance. I sleep on it before making hasty decisions or acting regretfully. I forgive myself if I feel to blame for the part I played in the problem. I am always open to discuss things and more than willing to come to a compromise to clear the air.
How I wish others would treat me
I doubt I will ever stop being sensitive. If you got to know me better you’d realise I love deeply, believe in supportive friendships and would help you in any way I could. Respect my sensitivity as I would your personality trait. Let’s love each other unconditionally and accept imperfections.
What can I say…you are a brilliant example of others to treasure the uniquness of ourselves and besutiful written too…
Your comments bring so much to joy to me <3 love you <3
To me you are a beautiful soul. i relate to this piece as i also never fit in. I often say “I am just not part of the cool crowd”
XX
Thanks Colleen 🙂 That’s a good way of looking at it!
This moved me x
Thank you beautiful soul <3
Beautifully written Luv! This is how I know you. I think you should just grow a thick skin like me, It’s a lot easier??
Maybe one day I will, who knows! Right now I remain true to myself. I <3 you!
Sumi, your sensitivity is what makes you a kind and compassionate person, so it’s beautiful, though sometimes it can feel like a curse. It also allows you to write more deeply and authentically, and your readers, like the people who’ve commented here, will love you for it. And you’re not alone <3
Thanks Therese <3 I've never wanted to emulate anyone else, especially in writing, it's so important to find your voice and stay true to yourself. Being sensitive and seeing things from a different angle affords time and patience to choose the right people to surround yourself with. You are one of those who inspire me greatly <3